Well...today I had to make up my writing EOI (End of Instruction) Exam.
The prompt was a quote from Willa something or other...she was an American writer....
"The road is nothing; the end is all."
THAT WAS IT!
And, though I threw in some weird metaphors (something about a box of Oreos)...I interpreted it as a spiritual quote...so...like a good little Christian girl, I set out to say everything I wanted to about how we die and go to Heaven...
Then, about halfway through, I started doubting my beliefs about certain religious aspects. I know that I believe in God...but when it came right down to it...I believed, whole-heartedly, that the quote was TRUE!
I couldn't believe that I had turned my back on the things that I've believed all my life...I mean...that's all I've ever been taught...
That one assignment just shook my whole world.
I can't even think the same way...I know that I'm going to Heaven...but how do I know that me living down here in Okemah doesn't mean more than just dying? Don't get me wrong...I'm certainly not saying that Okemah is better than Heaven...BY A LONG SHOT...I'm just saying that once I get to Heaven, I'm not going to make a difference. In Okemah...I can finish high school, go to college, get a good job, and hopefully change someone's life...I mean...isn't that supposed to be what I want to do? I just know that in Heaven...I won't make a difference...Heaven=Perfection, right? How can you make perfect different? You can't...so that must mean I don't matter, right?
I don't know...I need someone else's take on this...
P.S.-I hate that I'm so DAMN wishy-washy... | 
